HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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