just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
