Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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