I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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