We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
