I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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