I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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