Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
