Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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