dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
