I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just invented taco cereal.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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