I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
