What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
