You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
