They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
