That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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