Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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