Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
