I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
