Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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