I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
