Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
