So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just google imaged poop.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
