I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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