Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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