the day after is always just damage control
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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