Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
