I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
