oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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