he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
