I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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