once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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