when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
