No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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