So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
