he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
