Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
