Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
