dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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