She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
