There is no way he is gay with that hair.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
