he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i think my cat just said my name.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
