Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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