I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
