I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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