Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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