At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
