so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
