So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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