Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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