Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
