I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
