my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
