im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
